In the Name of Freedom

Doctor: How did you suppress the natural sexual drive? Drugs? Punitive laws?

Prime Minister: In the beginning, a little bit of each. Now, after 300 years, the entire concept of sexual reproduction is a little repugnant to us.

From the episode “Up The Long Ladder,” Star Trek, The Next Generation.

One of our dearest friends has recently found religion. Mormonism, to be more exact. While still fairly favourable to the concept of evolution, she has found a way to integrate Adam and Eve into her cosmology and had also found greater spiritual insight ever since she stopped touching herself “down there.”

My main reason for advocating for greater sexual freedom is, in part, driven by my upbringing. As I grew up under the watchful eye of my mother, I came to see the many problems caused by secrecy and shame when sex and religion get mixed. My mother was a reserved catholic whose religious knowledge sometimes came into conflict with her medical training as a nurse. I’m not sure she ever resolved the conflicts. She just sort of swept them under the rug.

So when I was starting to come of age, so to speak, she would often try to have me go see one of my uncles for “the talk,” since I had no father to fill that role. She was especially pleased when one my aunts married a doctor. Surely he could guide me well. I don’t think she ever understood that I would have preferred hearing it from her, even if it meant searching through her medical textbooks to complete those parts with which she had most difficulty. In the end, all I really had were the books.

I’m sure that weighed heavily on my mind my wife and I decided to try to have as much openness at home as possible for the sake of our children. We didn’t bother wrapping towels around ourselves when we left the shower. I certainly didn’t wear much of anything most of the time, and my wife, who was more sensitive to cold, would do the same when it was exceptionally hot. This was not sex education per se, but it did lead to interesting discussions which included aspects of sexuality. And the Look Who’s Talking movies didn’t hurt either.

One of the things we learned along the way was how so many people, but especially women, were cheated out of such things by churches which took stands against even the innocent practice of masturbating. For a long time, myths concerning masturbation (it will make you blind, crazy, or stupid; you’ll lose your “healthiest blood” that way, you will damage your sex organs, etc.) have been circulated, and even promoted, to instil shame and maintain control over flocks. Yet, we know that masturbation is useful for better understanding our bodies and how they react their bodies. Furthermore, Planned Parenthood tells us that masturbation helps people relax and relieve stress and physical tension. Orgasms can often be a natural painkiller, which is why many women masturbate to relieve menstrual cramps. In men, frequent ejaculation may lower a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer. So if there’s no partner around, masturbation is the next best thing.

Here’s the big thing for me, though: Most men wind up masturbating one way or another. Is it in our genes? Is it because men somehow allow themselves a little more latitude? I don’t know. But it’s often been said that 90 per cent of men masturbate and the rest lie about it. Women, as a group, don’t masturbate nearly as much, or at least they don’t readily admit to having done so. And I can’t see religious admonitions against masturbation as having helped in this regard.

From what I’ve been able to learn from our newly religious friend, her religion also forbids, or at least discourages masturbation, and she has accepted its teaching on this subject without question. She adds that by avoiding thoughts of sexuality, she has experienced spiritual growth in other areas. I won’t contest her experience. I cannot feel what she feels.

But while refraining from “touching one’s self” is at least as legitimate as doing the opposite, I cannot say the same for encouraging others to do so. And here comes the gist of the problem. When she has daughters of her own, will she deny them the chance to discover for themselves how their bodies work? Will she expect them to deny their sexual natures until marriage? All in the name of spiritual perfection?

One of the obstacles to full freedom for women has been other women eager to crush those who would work for progress in the name of a deity, a religious leader, or just to keep up appearances. I sincerely hope our friend does not become one of those.